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Lucille
(original words by Bowling & Bynum)

In a bar in Toledo across from the depot
On a barstool I took off my ring.
I thought of that woman.  It's time I stopped moanin'.
It's time that I did my own thing.
Lucille was long gone then, and she got the children.
I really thought I'd lose my mind.
So I started drinkin', and I started thinkin'
I'd better start winkin' at whatever I find.

In the mirror I saw them, and then closely watched them
And thought how they looked out of place.
They walked right up to me.  I stopped feelin' gloomy.
I had a strange look on my face.
They said, "Is this place free?"  They sat down beside me.
I ordered us drinks all around.
Well, they were some cuties.  They really got to me,
And I wondered if these beauties could hear my heart pound.

Well, you can take it and shove it, Lucille.
To hell with the children and the crop in the field.
Well, I've had some bad times and lived through some sad times,
But this time you hurt me for real.
Go jump in the river, Lucille.

I ordered more whiskey and started feelin' frisky.
I got up and asked them to dance.
With arms 'round their shoulders, I started feelin' bolder.
I thought, "What the hell, take a chance!"
I said, "Your place or my place?"  You shoulda seen my face.
We put on our coats and went home.
I turned down the lights low.  The music was real slow.
I got up and unplugged the phone.

Well, things started movin', and I started groovin'.
I really thought this was a dream.
But I could still hold them, and I could still touch them.
It was heaven, you know what I mean.
The room was real warm now.  I noticed that somehow.
Our clothes ended up on the floor.
So I turned the bed down.  Then I froze, and I turned 'round,
As I heard the key in the door.

You picked a fine time to come home, Lucille.
I know that a madman couldn't feel like I feel.
Well, I had some bad times and lived through some sad times,
But this time you hurt me for real.
Go jump in the river, Lucille.

All credit to the original artist.  Non-commercial, fair-use parody.
 

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