Hosing Your Retention
(Parody of "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.)
Oh, mine is bigger, bigger than yours
My cable modem
The lengths that I will go to
The limits I despise
Oh, I upload too much
I cannot send enough
That’s me in the Nineties
That’s me in the spotlight hosing your retention
Tryin’ to spurt and spew
And I don’t care if you keep sayin’
Oh, no, I flood too much
I cannot send enough
I thought that I heard you whining
I thought that I saw you ping
I think I thought I saw you cry
Every moment
Of every waking hour
I’m timing all my sessions
Trying to keep up the spew
So I set Peck’s to rock and roll
Oh, no, I flood too much
I cannot send enough
Consider this
Consider this
Just get a new ISP
Consider this
The hint ‘bout my AUP failed
So what if all these dialup folks
Can’t suck it down
You complain too much.
I thought that I heard you whining
I thought that I saw you ping
I think I thought I saw you cry
And I don’t care if you scream
Don’t care if you scream
That’s me in the Nineties
That’s me in the spotlight hosing your retention
Tryin’ to spurt and spew
And I don’t care if you keep sayin’
Oh, no, I flood too much
I cannot send enough
I thought that I heard you whining
I thought that I saw you ping
I think I thought I saw you cry
And I don’t care if you scream
Why try? Say goodbye.
Retention’s just a dream,
Just a dream, just a dream, dream.
